Ron Artest Considers Retirement, Wants To Spend More Time No Fewer Than 100 Yards Away From Family

SACRAMENTO, CA – Confirming rumors that he was considering retirement, Ron Artest told reporters this week that he was, “looking forward to finishing the season so that he could get back to the people that matter, or at least as close as the 100 yard restraining order [Artest’s] wife has on [him] will allow.” “You guys have no idea how hard it is to do this job,” said Artest. “I’m constantly on the road, away from my family. It’s tough to have a job that keeps me away from my family, or in my case any further than the 100 yard radius required by the county court. Man, when I’m on the road and I hear about how my daughter is having a rough time at school, or how she fell and skinned her knee, it kills me to know that I could have been there for her, from a football field away.”

Artest’s family expressed a desire to have him return home more permanently as well. “We all miss having Ron around,” noted Kimsha Artest, Ron’s wife. “Our daughter misses him the most. Most nights he’s in town he comes home and reads her a bedtime story. It’s cute really; he gets up on the roof of a building a couple of blocks away and shouts the stories through a megaphone. One day, I look forward to him being closer, you know, once I take some boxing lessons.”

Friends also attested to Artest’s longing to be at home with his family. Mike Bibby told reporters, “Oh yeah, you can see it in his eyes all the time. When he’s tying his shoes, he’s thinking of being with his daughter, tying hers. When he eats meals with the team, he’s thinking about eating at his dining room table with his family. When he’s on the court, laying it all out during the game, you can tell he’s thinking about being with his wife, hitting her.”