After Five Years Of Texans Offensive Line, David Carr “Looking Forward To Playing For Candyland.”

HOUSTON, TX – With his release from the Houston Texans finalized, quarterback David Carr is preparing to move on from a team whose offensive line allowed him to be sacked 249 times over the course of five years. When asked about potential free agency suitors, a clearly woozy Carr could only say “I’m hopeful that I’ll wind up playing for a quality franchise in a great town, like Candyland.”
“David has experienced more hits in five years than most men, hell, most army platoons experience in their lifetime,” noted Richard Frampton, a respected Texas brain surgeon. “I mean, 249 times? Were they playing arena rules with three linemen or something? Anyway, he’s been knocked retarded. I don’t use that as a slur, that’s actually the medical term for what’s happening here.”
Carr, however, remains blissfully ignorant of his situation. “I’m looking forward to playing…OOOH, something shiny!, Anyway, I’ll go anywhere in the Candy Kingdom, as long as I don’t wind up playing for Lord Licorice. That guy looks like a snippy prick.”