The Utility Belt #1

"My biggest weakness is my sensitivity. I'm too sensitive."
-Mike Tyson

One Sunday, in the midst of football season, my ex-girlfriend asked me “Are we as a society still doing this sports thing? I thought we’d moved on from that.” I, of course, responded “What? Oh, yeah babe, I love the Jets too, can you get me a beer?” But later, after cleaning the beer out of my clothes, I got to thinking; why do we care about sports so much? Some people argue that, at their purest, sports bring out the best in individuals. I’m not sure I buy that argument. Consider that, in Washington, a statewide ban on booing is being proposed for high school games, and the bulk of writing on the subject has been AGAINST the ban. We care about the “integrity” of sports so much that we as a nation support the rights of grown men and women to yell “you suck!” at high school kids.
Is it that they provide role models? That’s even more laughable. I’m not sure I’ve ever learned one positive thing from an athlete, other than the phrase “straight cash, homey.” What do we learn from individuals like Pacman Jones, other than “stripper cash is non-refundable”?
I guess that in the end, we love sports because they act as a breeding ground for larger than life personas, not necessarily for us to cheer for, but for us to react to. Whether you think T.O. is a team liability or a team liability that is worth the headache, whether you support Joey Porter calling Kellen Winslow a “faggot” or think that he probably should have stuck with “huge douchebag,” whether you think Barry Bonds is a giant prick or you have social personality disorder, sports provide the canvas for you to paint your picture on. In a way, that’s what this site is about, reacting to sports news the best way I know how.

And that’s enough of my waxing philosophical douchebaggery for this issue. Look for more improvements to come to the site in the near future, including some new columnists, a more comprehensive (and funnier) weekly column from myself, and a revised layout (after my third “what’s that thingamajigger do?” conversation with GoDaddy.com’s offices, I started to feel like my dad).

In the meantime, thanks for visiting the site, and feel free to email me with any thoughts or suggestions.


Word,
The Utility Man