Miami, FL – Asked today about his team’s surprisingly good performance, particularly that of Shaquille O’Neal, Heat coach Pat Riley insisted that he has no idea what sparked their inspired play, although he did say “it may have something to do with my telling Shaq that this year, the NBA trophy is solid chocolate with gold wrapping.” “I know it was wrong to lie, but Dwayne [Wade] got hurt, and I needed to say something to get that fat bastard to play harder. And then, once we started winning, you should have seen the look in his eyes every time he started talking about his ‘chocolate trophy’. I couldn’t bear to take that away from him.”
Indeed, despite several other championships, O’Neal seems particularly interested in winning this season’s trophy. “I can’t tell you why, but let’s just say it’s a secret,” O’Neal said, grinning with childlike giddiness, “a delicious secret.” Teammates have agreed to maintain the illusion in order to keep O’Neal. “Oh yeah,” said injured superstar Dwayne Wade, “I told him that he couldn’t tell anybody else, but that when he wins it, he needs to bring his injured buddy a big piece. I can’t believe he bought it. I’m just glad he’s such a fat bastard.”
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